Northern Farmer: Old Style

Posted on October 13, 2018 Updated on August 21, 2018

Wheer ‘asta beän saw long and meä liggin’ ‘ere aloän?
Noorse? thoort nowt o’ a noorse: whoy, Doctor’s abeän an’ agoän;
Says that I moänt ‘a naw moor aäle; but I beänt a fool;
Git ma my aäle, fur I beänt a-gawin’ to breäk my rule.
Doctors, they knaws nowt, fur a says what ‘s nawways true;
Naw soort o’ koind o’ use to saäy the things that a do.
I ‘ve ‘ed my point o’ aäle ivry noight sin’ I beän ‘ere.
An’ I ‘ve ‘ed my quart ivry market-noight for foorty year.
Parson ‘s a beän loikewoise, an’ a sittin’ ere o’ my bed.
“The amoighty ‘s a taäkin o’ you to ‘isén, my friend,” a said,
An’ a towd ma my sins, an’ s toithe were due, an’ I gied it in hond;
I done moy duty boy ‘um, as I ‘a done boy the lond.

Larn’d a ma’ beä. I reckons I ‘annot sa mooch to larn.
But a cast oop, thot a did, ’bout Bessy Marris’s barne.
Thaw a knaws I hallus voäted wi’ Squoire an’ choorch an’ staäte,
An’ i’ the woost o’ toimes I wur niver agin the raäte.

An’ I hallus coom’d to ‘s choorch afoor moy Sally wur deäd,
An’ ‘eard ‘um a bummin’ awaäy loike a buzzard-clock ower me ‘eäd,
An’ I niver knaw’d whot a meän’d but a thowt ä ‘ad summut to saäy.
An’ I thowt a said what a owt to ‘a said, an’ I coom’d awaäy.

Bessy Marris’s barne! tha knaws she laäid it to meä.
Mowt a beän, mayhap, for she wur a bad un, sheä.
‘Siver, I kep ‘um, I kep ‘um, my lass, tha mun understond;
I done moy duty boy ‘um, as I ‘a done boy the lond.

But Parson a cooms an’ a goäs, an’ a says it easy an’ freeä:
“The amoighty ‘s taäkin o’ you to ‘issén, my friend,” says ‘eä.
I weänt saäy men be loiars, thaw summun said it in ‘aäste;
But ‘e reäds wonn sarmin a weeäk, an’ I ‘a stubb’d Thurnaby waäste.

D’ ya moind the waäste, my lass? naw, naw, tha was not born then;
Theer wur a boggle in it, I often ‘eärd ‘um mysén;
Moäst loike a butter-bump, fur I ‘eärd ‘um about an’ about,
But I stubb’d ‘um oop wi’ the lot, an’ raäved an’ rembled ‘um out.

Keäper’s it wur; fo’ they fun ‘um theer a-laäid of is’ faäce
Down i’ the woild ‘enemies afoor I coom’d to the plaäce.
Noäks or Thimbleby–toäner ‘ed shot ‘um as dead as a naäil.
Noäks wur ‘ang’d for it opp at ‘soize–but git ma my aäle.

Dubbut looök at the waäaste; theer warn’t not feeäd for a cow;
Nowt at all but bracken an’ fuzz, an’ looök at it now–
Warn’t worth nowt a haäcre, an’ now theer ‘s lots o’ feeäd,
Fourscoor yows upon it, an’ some on it down i’ seeäd.

Nobbut a bit on it ‘s left, an’ I meän’d to ‘a stubb’d it at fall,
Done it ta-year I meän’d, an’ runn’d plow thruff it an’ all,
If godamoighty an’ parson ‘ud nobbut let ma aloän,–
Meä, wi haäte hoonderd haäcre o’ Squoire’s, an’ lond o’ my oän.

Do godamoighty knaw what a’s doing a-taäkin’ o’ meä?
I beänt wonn as saws ‘ere a beän an yonder a peä;
An’ Squoire ‘ull be sa mad an’ all–a’ dear, a’ dear!
And I ‘a managed for Squoire coom Michaelmas thutty year.

A mowt ‘a taäen owd Joänes, as ‘ant not a ‘aäpoth o’ sense,
Or a mowt a’ taäen young Robins–a niver mended a fence:
But godamoighty a moost taäke meä an’ taäke ma now,
Wi’ aäf the cows to cauve an’ Thurnaby hoälms to plow!

Looök ‘ow quoloty smoiles when they seeäs ma a passin’ boy,
Says to thessén, naw doubt, “What a man a beä sewer-loy!”
Fur they knaws what I beän to Squoire sin’ fust a coom’d to the ‘All;
I done moy duty by Squoire an’ I done moy duty boy hall.

Squoire ‘s i’ Lunnon, an’ summun I reckons ‘ull ‘a to wroite,
For whoa ‘s to howd the lond ater meä that muddles ma quoit;
Sartin-sewer I beä, thot a weänt niver give it to Joänes,
Naw, nor a moänt to Robins–a niver rembles the stoäns.

But summun ‘ull come ater meä mayhap wi’ ‘is kittle o’ steäm
Huzzin’ an’ maazin’ the blessed feälds wi’ the Divil’s oän teäm.
Sin’ I mun doy I mun doy, thaw loife they says is sweet,
But sin’ I mun doy I mun doy, for I couldn abeär to see it.

What atta stannin’ theer fur, an’ doesn bring me the aäle?
Doctor ‘s a ‘toättler, lass, an a’s hallus i’ the owd taäle;
I weänt breäk rules fur Doctor, a knaws naw moor nor a floy;
Git ma my aäle, I tell tha, an’ if I mun doy I mun doy.

– Alfred Lord Tennyson

Northern Farmer: New Style

Posted on October 12, 2018 Updated on August 21, 2018

Dosn’t thou ‘ear my ‘erse’s legs, as they canters awaäy?
Proputty, proputty, proputty–that’s what I ‘ears ’em saäy.
Proputty, proputty, proputty–Sam, thou’s an ass for thy paaïns:
Theer’s moor sense i’ one o’ ‘is legs, nor in all thy braaïns.
Woä–theer’s a craw to pluck wi’ tha, Sam; yon ‘s parson’s ‘ouse–
Dosn’t thou knaw that a man mun be eäther a man or a mouse?
Time to think on it then; for thou’ll be twenty to weeäk.
Proputty, proputty–woä then, woä–let ma ‘ear mysén speäk.
Me an’ thy muther, Sammy, ‘as been a’talkin’ o’ thee;
Thou’s beän talkin’ to muther, an’ she beän a tellin’ it me.
Thou’ll not marry for munny–thou’s sweet upo’ parson’s lass–
Noä–thou ‘ll marry for luvv–an’ we boäth of us thinks tha an ass.

Seeä’d her todaäy goä by–Saäint’s-daäy–they was ringing the bells.
She’s a beauty, thou thinks–an’ soä is scoors o’ gells,
Them as ‘as munny an’ all–wot’s a beauty?–the flower as blaws.
But proputty, proputty sticks, an’ proputty, proputty graws.

Do’ant be stunt; taäke time. I knaws what maäkes tha sa mad.
Warn’t I craäzed fur the lasses mysén when I wur a lad?
But I knaw’d a Quaäker feller as often ‘as towd ma this:
“Doänt thou marry for munny, but goä wheer munny is!”

An’ I went wheer munny war; an’ thy muther coom to ‘and,
Wi’ lots o’ munny laaïd by, an’ a nicetish bit o’ land.
Maäybe she warn’t a beauty–I niver giv it a thowt–
But warn’t she as good to cuddle an’ kiss as a lass as ‘ant nowt?

Parson’s lass ‘ant nowt, an’ she weänt ‘a nowt when ‘e ‘s deäd,
Mun be a guvness, lad, or summut, and addle her breäd.
Why? for ‘e ‘s nobbut a curate, an’ weänt niver get hissén clear,
An’ ‘e maäde the bed as ‘e ligs on afoor ‘e coom’d to the shere.

An’ thin ‘e coom’d to the parish wi’ lots o’ Varsity debt,
Stook to his taäil thy did, an’ ‘e ‘ant got shut on ’em yet.
An’ ‘e ligs on ‘is back i’ the grip, wi’ noän to lend ‘im a shuvv,
Woorse nor a far-welter’d yowe: fur, Sammy, ‘e married for luvv.

Luvv? what’s luvv? thou can luvv thy lass an’ ‘er munny too,
Maäkin’ ’em goä togither, as they’ve good right to do.
Couldn I luvv thy muther by cause ‘o ‘er munny laaïd by?
Naäy–fur I luvv’d ‘er a vast sight moor fur it: reäson why.

Ay, an’ thy muther says thou wants to marry the lass,
Cooms of a gentleman burn: an’ we boäth on us thinks tha an ass.
Woä then, proputty, wiltha?–an ass as near as mays nowt–
Woä then, wiltha? dangtha!–the bees is as fell as owt.

Breäk me a bit o’ the esh for his ‘eäd, lad, out o’ the fence!
Gentleman burn! what’s gentleman burn? is it shillins an’ pence?
Proputty, proputty’s ivrything ‘ere, an’, Sammy, I’m blest
If it isn’t the saäme oop yonder, fur them as ‘as it ‘s the best.

Tis’n them as ‘as munny as breaks into ‘ouses an’ steäls,
Them as ‘as coats to their backs an’ taäkes their regular meäls,
Noä, but it ‘s them as niver knaws wheer a meäl’s to be ‘ad.
Taäke my word for it Sammy, the poor in a loomp is bad.

Them or thir feythers, tha sees, mun ‘a beän a laäzy lot,
Fur work mun ‘a gone to the gittin’ whiniver munny was got.
Feyther ‘ad ammost nowt; leastways ‘is munny was ‘id.
But ‘e tued an’ moil’d issén dead, an’ ‘e died a good un, ‘e did.

Looök thou theer wheer Wrigglesby beck cooms out by the ‘ill!
Feyther run oop to the farm, an’ I runs oop to the mill;
An’ I ‘ll run oop to the brig, an’ that thou ‘ll live to see;
And if thou marries a good un I ‘ll leäve the land to thee.

Thim’s my noätions, Sammy, wheerby I means to stick;
But if thou marries a bad un, I ‘ll leäve the land to Dick.–
Coom oop, proputty, proputty–that’s what I ‘ears ‘im saäy–
Proputty, proputty, proputty–canter an’ canter awaäy.

– Alfred Lord Tennyson